Birthdays

Yesterday was my birthday. It was an ordinary day. I took care of our children, cooked, cleaned and had the usual day. There was no party, no balloons, no hoopla. Yet, I felt blessed. Our children drew me little pictures of love; they "wrapped" up their favorite things and gave them to me. They picked clover and daisies from our yard and I have those in cups in our home. They sang the birthday song to me before they went off to sleep last night. Ben's angelic voice ringing out the loudest and in tune too. I opened the gifts from the gals at our ladies Bible study group and from my in-loves and my brother and sister-in-love (they live in California). They gave me the most lovely, crystal and silver necklace, bracelet and earring set. It looks Edwardian. I will feel like a princess when I wear them. I felt very spoiled. One of the gifts is from Rhonda (we co-lead together). I know she gave me a gift she had purchased for herself! It is a beautiful, hand-crafted, lined and covered box. There are mother-of-pearl flower buttons on the top and the fabric is a delicate cream silk. It is lovely. What touches me the most is the generosity of my friends and family. They understand that we can't really pamper ourselves right now (we're in our 10th month of unemployment) and so they make sure we receive these little tokens of love every once in a while.  I had so many birthday greetings on my facebook page from family, childhood friends and friends we've made along the way from California to Massachusetts. Birthdays seem to matter when we are young. We want the party, cake and gifts. Then we reach the age where birthdays don't matter as much. A well written note is special and saved to read again and again when we need to be reminded that we are loved. Then, when we're really old, the celebration starts again. Others celebrate the fact that we are still alive and kicking :)

I am now 44. I was born in Southern California to Donal and Barbara Howell. I am their fifth and last child. I was a surprise and hopefully a gift too.

no more bad news

Recently I have been hearing "bad news". One of my childhood friends thought they were in remission from cancer and it has returned with a vengeance. He is a young Daddy with three children. Another childhood friend of mine just had both of her breasts removed and she is enduring chemo treatments with shots into her stomach each day. Another friend's daughter and her husband are childless, with the deep longings of the heart to have a family. They just experienced a failed attempt. I know and understand this kind of loss. We struggled for 10 years to grow our family. I imagine I have a garden of babies waiting in Heaven to meet me. With life's sour and sweets, it's nice to dream, to escape into the whimsical possibilities. Our children are dreamers. They believe in the impossible; like flying away in a hot air balloon.Looking down on the earth below. Flying with the doves and doggies and having a magical griffin lead the way.Finding a castle and drifting down, hovering above the water and landing on the perfect lawn. The air smells of lilacs and roses.  Music fills our ears and the birds harmonize each step up to the ancient doors. The light is golden and warm. We feel like we've been here before. Is this home?All we have to do is knock and speak the secret word and the possibilities are endless.

Shh, the dreamers have arrived. Let us listen to what they have to say.

Perspective

I've been thinking about perspective today. 

Webster's Dictionary defines it as: "the power to see or think of things in their true relationship to each other; the true relationship of objects or events to one another; a mental view or prospect". I feel a bit discouraged today and it got me thinking about feeling melancholy. Often when I feel this way, my head hangs down and I see small things. If I always had my head up, I would miss some details. God is into details. He seems to revel in details. There are so many tiny things in creation that display His power. I am in awe that He created all of this beauty for us (and of course, His own glory). I find that I am encouraged when I take my eyes off myself and onto Him. It is about perspective. I can either focus on experiences that are painful, losses I have suffered or dreams not met, or I can focus on the external and internal journey of grace and harmony and love. This is who I desire to be on the inside (full of grace and harmony and love). I begin to lift my head and see forward. I see the faces of people who love me. I see distance and hope. I see vistas and more beauty and still the details are there. I don't want to have my "head in the clouds"; it's there that I can stumble and fall. He takes care of the distance. He is in my tomorrow. He already knows what it looks like and I can find peace in that. He gives me the grace I need for this day. This day I choose to remember what I have learned through pain, through loss and my failings. This day I cherish what I have gained because of His love for me. I am grateful that He softened this heart of stone. He is mindful of me. He cares about details.I can continue to feel joy in the midst of uncertainty. I can feel secure in the midst of the unknown. I can embrace the day and reclaim my focus. His beauty is in it all.

 I see His touch in the vast and the small. He is in it all. This is a safe place to be. He will not fail us now (He never has).

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  ~ all photos by me, Rebecca Howell Gibson (feel free to copy) 

Cha-Cha Dove's first Princess Tea